Obstacles and Failures: Foundations for Personal Growth and Wisdom

Most of us grow up associating personal failure with shame. The view that failure is the enemy of success exists throughout much of American society. Commonly, we meet those embarrassed by past failures and anxious about the inevitability of future ones. Fear of failure sometimes reaches such a degree that it leads some to choose a path of avoidance when detecting a challenge on the horizon. Rather than welcoming obstacles, some may attempt to avoid them entirely. Overwhelmed by a challenge, many give up before they start. Others hope something outside of themselves will clear the path and relief them of the perceived burden.

Despite the stigma associated with failure, the truth is that success depends on failure; success does not exist without it. Success is the resilience to overcome failures. Who do you consider more successful: A person who inherits financial wealth from their family business or another person who has had many businesses fail in the past but eventually gained enough wisdom to establish a thriving business? A person with “natural” musical talent who faced few challenges, or someone who achieved musical competency after many challenges along the way?

Frequently, a student utters the word “sorry” after making a mistake while playing a part of their lesson. My response when hearing this word has not changed in over 30 years. I tell the student not to apologize for failing to play the correct note(s); focus not on the mistake but on the recovery. If the same error continues to crop up, look to why this is so. Is the tempo too fast? Are you tensing up when playing the more challenging part?

When we focus on a failure, the present falls apart. Our mistakes allow us to develop resilience and present an opportunity to gain wisdom. As with any error, we cannot go back in time and fix it; we can only move forward and draw insight into how to increase accuracy and better express ourselves musically.